Before we heard about short breaks, we assumed respite care was something reserved for families in crisis or those with very complex needs. We didn’t realise that many local authorities offer support specifically designed to help families raising children and young people with SEND.
For us, discovering short breaks was a turning point.
Like many parents of autistic children, we had simply adapted to our new normal. Days out required military-level planning. Family time revolved around routines, managing dysregulation, and ensuring our son felt safe and supported. Finding quality time together as parents became increasingly difficult.
As our son’s needs grew, we realised we were struggling to balance everything. We loved spending time together as a family, but opportunities to reconnect as a couple had almost disappeared.
What are short breaks?
Short breaks are part of your local authority’s SEND Local Offer. Their purpose is twofold; to provide children and young people with opportunities to develop confidence, independence and social skills, while giving parents and carers a break from their caring responsibilities.
Support can take many forms, depending on your local authority and your child’s needs. This might include:
- Direct payments to employ a Personal Assistant (PA)
- Group activities and holiday clubs
- Community-based activities
- Support workers to help children access hobbies and interests
- Overnight stays or overnight support
- Specialist sessions designed for children with SEND
Short breaks recognise something that many parents already know; caring for a child with additional needs can be physically and emotionally demanding, and supporting parents is an important part of supporting children.
How we accessed support
Our first step was speaking to our son’s lead practitioner, who at the time was also his head teacher.
We discussed the realities of life at home; the emotional toll of supporting a child with complex needs, the challenges of managing dysregulation, and how difficult it had become to spend any meaningful time together without our son in tow.
These conversations weren’t easy. As parents, we’re often conditioned to keep going, minimise our struggles, and focus solely on our children. Opening up about the impact caring responsibilities have on family life can feel uncomfortable.
Following those discussions, we were referred to the local authority’s short breaks team.
As part of the process, a member of the team visited our home to complete an assessment. They explored many of the same topics we’d already discussed with our lead practitioner, including:
- Our son’s care and support needs
- The impact on our wider family life
- The support already available from family and friends
- The challenges we faced getting out into the community
- How often dysregulation affected daily life
- The outcomes we hoped short breaks would help us achieve
Our advice is simple; be honest and don’t downplay the difficult days.
Many parents become experts at coping, but this isn’t the time to put on a brave face.
What we were offered
Following the assessment, we were awarded three hours of support each week during term time and eight hours per week during school holidays.
At first, this sounded straightforward. What we didn’t fully understand was how much responsibility came with receiving direct payments.
We wanted to use our son’s private tutor for support. This wasn’t about education; it was about continuity, trust, and having someone who already understood our son, his communication style, and his needs.
Unfortunately, our request was rejected because the hourly rate exceeded what the local authority was prepared to fund.
That was difficult to accept.
For children with SEND, relationships matter. Familiarity matters. Trust matters. Sometimes the cheapest option isn’t the best option.
Becoming an employer
One aspect that wasn’t made particularly clear from the outset was that we would effectively become employers.
If you choose to receive direct payments and employ a Personal Assistant yourself, responsibilities can include:
- Recruiting a suitable person
- Managing contracts
- Approving timesheets
- Managing holidays and sickness
- Meeting pension obligations
For families already balancing appointments, therapies, paperwork and everyday life, this can feel overwhelming.
Thankfully, our local authority funds a payment management company to help families navigate these responsibilities. They manage contracts, payroll, timesheets and payslips, making the process much easier to handle.
The local authority also funds Personal Assistant liability insurance, although we discovered that families still need to arrange the policy themselves through an approved provider.
Ultimately, we decided to employ a family member who already knew our son well and understood his needs.
Flexibility makes all the difference
Although our support was allocated as weekly hours, we were advised that these could be saved and used in larger blocks, provided they were used within the same monthly timesheet period.
This flexibility means families can use support in ways that work for them. Instead of using a few hours every week, you might choose to save them for:
- A weekend away
- An overnight stay
- Additional support during particularly difficult periods
- Time to attend appointments or spend time with siblings
Sometimes families don’t need a little support every week; they need a larger amount of support at the right moment.
More than a break
The name “short breaks” doesn’t really do the scheme justice.
It’s not about getting a break from your child.
It’s about making family life sustainable.
It’s about giving children opportunities to build confidence and independence in a safe environment.
It’s about recognising that parents and carers need support too.
For us, short breaks represented something we’d been missing for a long time; the opportunity to spend quality time together without worrying about whether our son was coping.
Asking for help can feel difficult, but accepting support isn’t a sign of failure. It’s a recognition that caring for a child with additional needs is a shared responsibility.
If you think your family could benefit from short breaks, start by exploring your local authority’s SEND Local Offer or speaking to your child’s lead practitioner, school, social worker, or SEND team.
The support is there; sometimes you just need someone to point you in the right direction.
